The Dandy

The weather is getting so erratic. I thought winter was over, but these few days, it had been really chilly. And it’s making me really sleepy because it’s just soooo comfortable to hide under the blanket. The heater I bought doesn’t really keep me warm. Stupid purchase. I hope winter and the northeast monsoon goes away soon.

I had weird dreams recently. Couldn’t have more drama in my dreams. Getting struck by lightning, having to go through a custom guarded by soldiers, and finding myself agreeing to Bestion marrying other girls. I feel tired when I wake up, but yet, I know I was deep in sleep because… for the first few times in my life, I didn’t hear my mobile phone ring when it did. So much for priding myself as a light sleeper.

I can’t do work at home anymore. Productivity dropped to the minimum because of the dim and yellow lights, as well as the convenience of food in my refridgerator. And yes, the bed. And of course, the privacy to surf porn, or even to masturbate. Seems like working at a cafe forces me to be good and be efficient. That said, I realised my favourite site had been hacked… and I’m now waiting for it to be restored because the other sites really sucked.

I ordered Mcdelivery after stopping it for a month. I was just lazy to head out and face the cold weather. I had 1 mcchicken burger, mcwings, sausage muffin with egg, fries, strawberry sundae, lemon tea… and I still have an unopened box of nuggets waiting for me. Honestly, I’m still hungry but I think I’m already killing myself with excessive salt. Thinking if I should head over to gym later so that I’ve no excuse to start work late or end work early tomorrow.

I’m waiting for a work reply. That freaking delay is pissing me off badly – probably because I really want to move on and stop waiting for such unknown. I need something to look forward to in Hong Kong. Something legitimate. Something that’s mine again. Something that I can control. End of March, I’ll know my fate. Hopefully, no more delays.

I’m feeling a lil EMO. Maybe it’s PMS. Certain thoughts drifting around in my mind but I keep snapping at myself to regain my rationality. Urgh. I crave for a beer now, but I know I’ll risk getting all teary and upset once the alcohol effect kicks in. Never drink when you are down because you will just feel worse – more so if you have no one to talk to. I’ve tried and tested that many many many times. Proven.  

Oh my birthday is next month. I’ve started to come up with a list of items that I want, but then I realise, my friends and family are all in Singapore. There’s no one that I can send my list to and irritate them by making them buy things for me. Haiz. Friends here would just probably get me dead drunk if they know about my birthday. So I’m keeping it quiet… real quiet… shhhh…

I’ve got a feeling that one of my close friends knows the existence of this blog. She was saying “so are you going to blog in your secret blog?”. Urgh. Not sure if it’s just a figure of speech, but hey, if you know, let me know. It’s kind of silly to be hiding things when someone knows about it all along. I don’t wanna be THAT kind of idiot. I’ll prefer to ‘fess up and hope you don’t judge too badly.

I took a look at the girl’s facebook and there were like 30+ comments congratulating her on her change in facebook status from “In a relationship with xxx” to “Engaged”.

Oh, did I mention how 10 minutes after the proposal, the question she popped to the guy was ”So does that mean that we must change our facebook status? Changed to what?” And she had that smirk on her face. Urgh. Well well… It seems like if Facebook does a poll, its ’relationship status’ tool would probably rank the first among ladies.

That’s not all. I read on only to realise that she was so happy that she was BRAGGING about her proposal. She said that her boyfriend had set high standards for other boyfriends. She also mentioned that not only her proposal came with 99 stalks of roses, it was right after a laser show. The whole event was so romantic that it took her some time to get out of the shock. 

WOW.

I didn’t know I can be such a good boyfriend.

Any lesbians interested in me?

I’m a virgin though.

I helped to execute a wedding proposal on Friday.

I was about to type that ‘the girl was totally clueless about the surprise…”, when I realised… hey, in fact, it should go like this: The guy was just as clueless as the girl about the surprise. It was as though I was the one proposing to her – NOT that i really like her. He had no idea what the flow of events was and did not even bother to check with me the details. All he told me was that he had the ring ready in his bag.

You see, I became responsible for everything (God knows why). Weeks before their arrival in Hong Kong, I contacted the restaurant to see if I could reserve seats and also arrange for a song dedication with the band. Reservation would require a whooping HKD$7000 of spending and no song dedication was allowed. Told him the news and he said the 7k was too expensive and he would contact the restaurant himself and see what he could do.

Fine. I waited… and waited. Weeks flew and before I knew it, their flight touched down in Hong Kong on Wednesday. On Thursday night, he gave me a call and asked if I could help get flowers for the proposal scheduled the next day. It was past 830pm and most flower shops were closed. Fucking last minute. I asked where he wanted to send the flowers to and he replied “Oh the restaurant that you were saying previously? Help me ask if they could help hide the flowers for us”. 

Apparently, he made no arrangements with the restaurant. He assumed that they would be willing to help store away that huge bouquet of flowers. He also assumed he could get seats purely on a first-come-first-serve basis at one of the most popular restaurant in Hong Kong. He then assumed that the moment he decided to go down on his one knee, the flowers would magically popped out of nowhere for his proposal. FML.

I felt I had an obligation to help – simply because we were friends since 10 years ago and I was hosting him in Hong Kong. So in between showing them around Hong Kong the whole day, I managed to sneak a few hours off to personally head down to the restaurant to seek their assistance. I was bombarded with the flow of events, but honestly, I had no idea how he wanted his proposal to be. I felt as though I was a personal assistant who screwed things up badly. It’s like asking people for favours but yet, I was unable to convey what I wanted. Then I had to head down the flower shop to make sure that the colour of the flowers was alright, and the bouquet didn’t look like it was for the dead. Guess what, all these were done on my own accord. He did not even realise that he needed to get these things done to make sure that the important moment went on well. He simply assumed (again) that nothing would go wrong.

When the proposal moment came, the girl was all touched and happy. I was feeling all tired and weary. But I still had to smile and do that girly oh-show-me-your-ring thing and then pretend that she had the prettiest ring in the whole world. I also had to fake that oh-it’s-such-a-romantic-proposal’ look in order to blend in with the crowd who was cheering them on.

When the girl excused herself to the washroom, I asked the guy “so why proposed now when you can’t get married till 2 years later (because the guy’s mum passed away only a year ago)?”

“Because she’s a very insecure person and I just hope to make her feel secured.”

???

Urgh.

I don’t get it.

Being engaged doesn’t give any security at all.

If fact, as the relationship between a couple gets more formal, the insecurity becomes greater because the consequences are even more catastrophic.

If a breakup happens for flings, it’s just called “oh it’s probably just a clubbing or an ONS behavior”.

If a breakup happens for an attached couple, it’s called “we ain’t compatible anyway”.

If a breakup happens for an engaged couple, it’s called “breaking off the engagement and yes all our friends and relatives will be informed duly (gasp!)”.

And of course, if a breakup happens for a married couple, it’s called “a divorce and I want to have all your assets and fuck all your @#$%@$ parents, friends and relatives”.

I don’t know what security she actually needs and what he thinks he is giving. Think about it, if a proposal for marriage or even marriage itself is an indication of security, WHY do women still keep tabs on their husbands after they exchange vows? After all, jealousy and affairs still do happen and partners worry constantly if they have acquired some sexual diseases from people that they have never met.

Men or women are the same. At ALL stages of our life, temptations NEVER stop waving at us.

When exactly do we have security?

None.

That’s probably the reason why we are taught to build our own self confidence – because when the negative happens, we can easily push the blame to our partner(s).

Quote me.

Men have no inner beauty. So it’s perfectly fine to go for looks.

I went Phuket for the first time last week and it was horrifying (except for the sex, of course).

It was way too over-hyped. Everything was too pricey for a ‘Thailand’ branding. What ever happened to the supposedly cheap and good deals? Totally non-existent. Food price were about the same as Singapore’s. A 15min tuk-tuk ride cost 400 baht. Tours and sea sports activities costs 1.5 times of that in Koh Samui.

We bought local tours from the hotel tour agency and ended up quarrelling badly with the boss. Never a fan of exploiting animals for tourism purposes, we mentioned specifically that we did not want a program with monkeys and elephants shows. We just wanted sea sports and ATV. So he offered us rafting (5 km) and ATV (60 mins) and we happily paid for it. But on the day of the tour, we realised that he had put us on a different tour – one that has rafting and ATV(a mere 30 minutes), as well as watching monkeys and elephants.

Blood boil.

I don’t really understand how enjoyable it is to watch animals behave as though they are in a circus. I saw elephants who had their ears pierced just so that the human-beings can poke a stick through the holes to control their movements. Some elephants were obviously injured from all the poking. Fuck the human beings. We were also told to have some elephant trekking activities for 30 minutes, where we were supposed to sit on the elephants to tour the jungle a little. Hated that. Animals or humans – we are all equal. What makes humans think that the animals should ferry us around?

Obviously as the born and bred Singaporeans, we made a fuss to the tour agency. We complained about how it wasn’t the program that we had paid for, and also how we had actually paid a premium for the supposedly more adventurous program. We demanded them to give us our original program, but as the Thai guide loyally put it, “I have to listen to my boss. You just have to follow this program and then talk to your hotel tour agency when you get back.”

Fuck them all. Eventually when we got back to the hotel and kicked another fuss, we got back some compensation in the form of free airport transfer. But still, we hated how the tour went. They actually trained monkeys to ask for tips from tourists, when it’s fucking obvious where the tips went to. Don’t think it’s meant for buying more bananas for monkeys. Argh.

We also quarrelled with the hotel staff because apparently, their service sucked. It came as a surprise because during our past visits to Thailand, we had always been impressed with how hospitable Thais are. When we asked for an international adaptor, the staff were fucking rude. They said the adaptors had all been loaned out and when we asked when the next adaptor will be available, they replied by saying ‘don’t know’. They didn’t even bother to verify when those guests would be checking out of their rooms. When pressed for an answer, the manager itself simply said, ‘Tomorrow’. But the adaptor never showed up in the room. In a similar disturbing way, they forgot about our morning calls and we almost missed the bus for our tour. Screw them all.

To top it all, the weather was freaking hot. I religiously applied my SPF50 sunblock every now and then but I still managed to get a very dark tan. It’s really weird to sport a tan in Hong Kong where the climate is still very much winter. And oh, I neglected applying sunblock to my feet and it looks especially dirty now because of the dark pigments. Not to mention the rashes that I had from excessive sun exposure. FML.